Ok, so I'm going to regret posting this as I always do on social media, but here we go:
This is my first post here on tumblr and I don't quite know yet how it works. But I stumbled upon sth yesterday that I at least have to try and get it out of my system even though nobody is going to read this anyways.
I saw the posts about Till falling off the stage and stuff. I worried, because I feared the tour was going to be interrupted because of that since I'm going to my very first concert next week. Until yesterday, I was all hyped about it.
Then I heard someone stated sth about a girl on reddit who's been to the afterparty in Vilnius. I won't elaborate on that, you surely know about it.
I'm not naive. I know (or at least can imagine) what's going on at after parties in general. And I am aware about Till's solo project, Till the end and all those questionable things this man does (like the f***g underneath the stage in 2019).
I listened to Rammstein for a long time (since I'm german, you can't quite avoid it, tbh) but since the new album, it kinda hooked me and I fell all the way down the rabbit hole. I watched youtube videos, making ofs, interviews, listened to all their songs to the level of knowing them by heart. I cheered for their shenanigans on stage, read fanfictions. I know about their rise to fame, their life in the GDR, even read "Mix mir einen Drink". You can imagine how it goes along. I heard about all the questionable stuff going on (mostly concerning Till) and chose to ignore it. Not that I am oblivious, but I thought "Well, it's the internet, you propably can't believe half of what is being said there." I happily chose to not watch "Till the End" or "Platz Eins" since I knew what was going on in these videos and I'm not into it.
Strangely, even before I heard about all this stuff, Till always was my least favourite band member. I always thought him kind of creepy and "shady" in a way. But I always only heard positive thing concerning his personality (besides him being kind of depressed/self-harming etc.). So I thought it couldn't be that bad. In general, I got the impression of the six guys being fairly down to earth and "good guys" in a way, in spite of being world famous rockstars. And I was proud of them (being german and conquering the world, doing what they want to do, uncompromising).
But when I heard about these accusations it started a journey for me that I wish I hadn't started. I dived head first into numerous rumours about the so-called "Row 0", Alena, Joe Letz and so on and so forth and now I'm feeling sick. As I said before, I'm not naive when it comes to aftershow parties and hey - as long as it's legal and consensual - you do you, I guess. It doesn't matter if I like it or not. But sth is definitely off here. Alena choosing girls for Till seems to be common knowledge by this point and when I went to her instagram, I even saw posts where she did an advertisement to apply for getting the chance to party with Till after the show. I think this is disgusting. Treating women like meat. Yes, these girls propably know what they are applying for and are more than willing to have - let's say intercourse - with him. I don't know what to believe when it comes to the aforementioned accusations, but even if they are untrue, it is still sending me off.
I don't know, maybe it has to do with my mental state of mind atm and I'm overreacting. It really shattered the image I had of the band into pieces. I have the feeling I need to throw up and cannot see the band with different eyes anymore.
I cannot simply choose to ignore it and pretend those things don't happen. At least the thing about Alena picking out young, beautiful women for Till is true and Joe picking them out for Richard. I don't know about the rest of the band but I still can't believe they let these things happen - if they are not involved - and choose to ignore it just for the sake of the band. They must at least have some knowledge about it and don't do anything about it so I cannot deem them innocent in that matter.
This is gross.
I really hate that I got to know of these things esp. now since it was a long working day which puts me in a bad mental state anyways and also because of the forthcoming concert I'm attending. I couldn't even listen to their songs on my way home from work because all I could think of was this.
I don't know what I try to achieve with this post, I just had to get it out somewhere. I really hope I can cope with this new found knowledge until next week or otherwise I'm afraid I cannot enjoy the concert when all I'm seeing is Till on the stage and thinking about how many girls he *****s before, during and after the concert.
Anyways, I really wish I hadn't seen all these snippets of information/rumours/internet rants (whatever you wanna call it) or at least stopped until it was too late. But here I am questioning my sanity for believing that these 6 men are somewhat "good guys". Maybe in the end I am/was indeed naive.
I'm not here to discuss wether these rumours are true or not. The whole 'picking-out the willing young girls' thing is already enough. It's clear that at least something has been going on regarding the afterparties for years. Besides, the rumours and evidence are thickening around the aforementioned incident. I feel there's a huge storm incoming. If the rest of Rammstein has some sort of moral judgement left, they need to adress and do sth about this.
And before someone says it: NO, I'm not jealous. Even before, I had no desire to meet anyone of the band, because I'm really shitty at small talk and I'm no fangirly who gets heavy breathing and would just overflood them with compliments. (And also, as the saying goes: Never meet your idols) I'm sitting here kind of heartbroken and don't know what to do next.
Phew. I didn't sleep well tonight. This concert was literally the ONLY thing I was looking forward to since my father-in-law died unexpectedly in January. And now I'm just feeling disgusted about the whole band. I know it affects me way more than it should, but I can't help it. Maybe it's the depression.
END of rambling (and propably my Rammstein-fan-being)
